2003-12-14 - 1:22 p.m.

So, the big day, the big presentation at school was Thursday. And its over, but school wasn't done.

I have "only" a math final and a 10 page paper left.

I promised I'd make chili too, for class, I don't think that's going to happen.

I am so tired. I just want to lay down.

If I don't sleep when I'm dead, then I'll be dead when I sleep.

Don't expect me at poetry tonight, however...

...however, this should be the last Sunday I need to take off from the "work" of performing and listening to poetry for a while.

If I'm still alive by Thursday, I'll be ready to celebrate.

Not that I waited till I was done to celebrate. Last night I went out to Somerville and saw the Deal and the Audrey Ryan band. Haven't seen those folks in ages.

But I didn't have much to talk about. I've been cloistered in my apartment for too long, working for school and writing for myself. I need an adventure; something to write about.

Or maybe just a nap.

School feels like it just goes along, like I am looking down a long road that I am not sure if I will complete. One part boring, one part long, one part arbitrary, one part necessary, one part drudgery, and two parts interesting.

Hit the back button to see what I wrote on Friday, I am pleased with it. After work, I am going to study and see if I can get out of trimming the tree with my parents.

I feel disassociated with myself. Did you ever notice how on, say, a Tuesday people will say "This feels like a Friday (or a whatever-day)," or how everyone will be really tired on one day, like last Friday, or how everyone might go completely crazy on one day, like Tuesday.

Did anyone else notice people going insane on Tuesday?

If I was paranoid, or narcissistic, or self-centered (why does focusing on yourself have such a negative connotation?), I'd say the world revolves around me.

Maybe it does. Maybe I am the fulcrum of the universe.

That would make you Truman Show-esque actors, or homunculi sprung from my throbbing brain like Athena Pallus, or little simulacrums, set like chess pieces before me for some deity's entertainment.

I've thought a lot about that possibility.

What I have not mediated on is the possibility that the universe resolves around YOU and that I am just a bit player in your world.

Or maybe it is both.

-Jesse